My son, Jim, likes to say that it’s good to suck at things because that is the first step toward getting good at things.
I am now using that proverb to overcome the great temptation of the Third Half of Life,
the temptation to never do anything I suck at.
I have a whole host of things that I do not suck at:
- I can write a simple declarative sentence.
- I can follow a recipe and cook stuff you would like to eat.
- I can not only change a light bulb, but even a light fixture.
- I can keep my computer running most of the time and stop my toilet from running all the time.
It is very easy for me to spend all of my time in my comfort zone.
But last month I passed a Help Wanted sign in a neighborhood store. They were advertising for a stock boy who could speak both English and Spanish. Neither I nor Donald Trump would qualify to stock shelves here in Jackson Heights.
So, I am trying to learn Spanish the way I once learned English. I don’t need a job, but I do want to be able to function in my neighborhood:
- I started with “por favor” and “gracias”. My parents were right; “please” and “thank you” help you get along with everyone.
- I practice asking for things in Spanish.
- I pick up the free Spanish-language newspapers and try to read them.
As a speaker, I feel like I am three years old and as a reader, I feel like I am seven. I suck at Spanish
I also try to comprehend the bewildering universe of Marvel Superheroes. I want to have conversations with my twelve-year-old grandson. I admit, I am still hazy about the difference between the Guardians of the Galaxy and the Avengers. He sometimes shakes his head at my ignorance. I suck at Superheroes.
I know people who are proud that they have not learned any new skills, or picked up any new ideas in the last 20 years. Age makes us wise enough not to jump on every bandwagon.
However, if we never leave our comfort zones, if we never do anything we suck at, we are in danger of becoming the kind of old coots who bore everyone born after 1990.
The good news is that you already know how to do this.
In the 1982 movie Diner, Shrevie tells his new young wife, Beth, to ask him what is on the flip side of his records. In high school, he prided himself on memorizing every one. But, like all of us at his age, he sucked at being a grownup, so he wanted to be the cool 16-year-old he once was. The only way he was going to get good at being an adult was to stop retreating into his comfort zone.
You and I had to do the same thing in our 20’s.
I sometimes wish people would ask me about how to lead an annual church stewardship campaign. I was good at it in 1999. Now, that skill is as irrelevant as knowing what was on the flip side of “Hey, Jude.”
Over the next two weeks I’m going to be posting some more thoughts on getting good at living into this Third Half of Life.
Tell me what you are doing to move out of your comfort zone. What are you doing now that you suck at?
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I suck at many things, many things I’ve never tried because I knew I’d suck at it. I have gotten out of my comfort zone for a few things since retirement. I joined a 55 and over softball league. Hadn’t played in over 20 years, I sucked but I’ve gotten better. I joined a Mens chorus, not too bad I read music and know how to sing, but this is a gay mens chorus. As a straight retired cop, definitely out of my comfort zone but I love the group and the commradierre. And I audition for solos, haven’t got one yet cause i suck at it but i keep trying.
Thanks for this, Ken!
After I retired from 40 years of teaching I agreed to help out my son, a plumber, by being his apprentice for two years. It was very uncomfortable at first because so much was new but as I acquired new practical skills I also learned more about myself and my son.
Thanks for this, Jesse! We thought a lot about what you were doing in those days and how you were surviving it.
My list wouldn’t fit on a page.
Bill McFadden
Probably true! Thanks Bill!
I too was relatively good at Stewardship Campaigns in the 90’s And, at Capital campaigns for churches too! I enjoyed asking people for their money and I think they enjoyed giving it too! After completely retiring in the mid 2000’s, we too have moved 8 hours from all that was familiar, from Syracuse, New York, to Silver Spring, MD. To be closer to our daughter. But, I now serve on our new church’s brand new Stewardship Committee. My previous experienced has prompted a new adventure…for this congregation! Simply moving here has shoved us out of any comfort zone we thought we had! As UM clergy, you’d think we’d be used to change/moving but definitely not this drastic an upheavel. (House to condo, two offices to none, new church, new doctors, rush hour of 15 minutes to one continual stream of traffic, new hair salon – that’s the worst!) So, I am unapologetically finding comfort in what I once did well and trust I can again. And I’m especially grateful to the young clergywoman who cared enough to ask us about our past.
Thanks for sharing this, Kathleen. Read it to my wife. She can identify with the hair salon issue!
Your ability to move into doing something you enjoyed and were good at, like stewardship, is very cool. That’s why I continue to write!
Roger,
I took Italian 101 at Tri-C when I first retired. Not Italian for travelers, mind you, but the real deal. I’m not sure I knew I knew what I was getting into at the time. I was three times the age of the other students, and I sucked, at first. It turned out to be pretty fun.
Good luck with Spanish. Hard to learn st our age :D.
Roger,
I took Italian 101 at Tri-C when I first retired. Not Italian for travelers, mind you, but the real deal. I’m not sure I knew I knew what I was getting into at the time. I was three times the age of the other students, and I sucked, at first. It turned out to be pretty fun.
Good luck with Spanish. Hard to learn st our age :D.
Thanks! I am not as systematic about it as you were about Italian. What a great example!
For me, joining the gospel choir was it – I have never sung in a choir. EVER. I was told I couldn’t sing. But guess what? I didn’t suck as bad as I thought. Actually my whole call story runs something like that. I can’t preach. I can’t teach, I can’t lead. Until….
I still love sports, especially running and I have always sucked. But it’s still been fun.
So yes. Truth.
I never guessed you felt that way about preaching, teaching, leading. I sure never thought you sucked at it!