Two of my teachers died this past month. Orlando was a cat with less than half a tail. Henry was a delightful dog.
Orlando, a yellow cat, belonged to Doug and MaryAnn Kerr, who live across the street from us. “Belonged” means Orlando granted them the privilege of feeding and housing him. He let them pay his veterinary bills when he got into fights. But he roamed the neighborhood like he owned all our yards. Age finally caught up with him a few weeks ago. We are already seeing an uptick in the number of squirrels and chipmunks since he died.
Henry was a golden retriever. Henry lived up to that breed’s reputation for being friendly and playful . There was no question that Henry loved Jim and Cathy Stentzel more than anything in the world. We met Henry about a year after Cathy and Jim brought him home as a very young dog.
Orlando seemed much the same right up until the end. We did not see much change in the 15 years we lived across the street.
We saw Henry only once or twice each year, so we noticed how he grew and changed and, eventually, aged. As a young dog, he ran circles around the slower humans who took him for walks. His size and stubbornness made him hard to resist when he wanted to go one way and you wanted to go another. His good-natured enthusiasm for his quest was even harder to resist. Over the past couple of years, we saw Henry slow down, take shorter walks and longer naps. But he never stopped beating his tail on the floor with joy when Jim and Cathy would arrive home.
It is only when Henry and Orlando died that I realized what they had taught me. When I learned of their deaths, I felt sad. That feeling of sadness amazed me. It told me something deep inside of me had changed.
I grew up on a dairy farm surrounded by animals. We had a dairy barn full of Holsteins. We also raised chickens and hogs. We always had a cow dog that helped us move the cows from the pasture to the barn. We had cats running around the barn to keep the mouse population under control. The dog had a name, Queenie. My sisters gave some of the cats names. I did not learn to love animals on that farm.
I learned to take care of the animals because our living depended on them. I tossed bales of hay down a chute from the mow to the barn below. I climbed a silo in the dead of winter and forked chopped corn into a feed cart three stories below. I shoveled manure into a manure spreader. So, I cared for their needs. I also learned how to milk the cows, gather the hen’s eggs, feed the hogs, and how to help butcher cows and hogs and chickens so we could eat them.
I know people who grew up on farms and people who live on farms who love animals. I do not think farming is completely incompatible with compassion. But, I never learned how to love animals and kill them. I chose to think of animals as commodities. I measured their value in dollars and cents per pound, like milk and eggs and oats and hay. I was like the kids who have spent two years raising a steer that wins the Grand Champion ribbon at the fair. As a reward, they get a big check from the owner of a local restaurant. Some city-bred reporter will ask them if they are sad that their steer will be turned into steaks. The kids usually say, “Are you kidding? Why do you think I went to all that trouble in the first place?” I was tough and realistic.
My mother’s theology further justified my attitude toward animals. When, as a little boy, I asked her if animals went to heaven, she explained that they do not because they do not have souls. She taught me to read the Creation story as a story about how human beings are special and different. We have souls. Animals do not. We commune with the Lord. Animals do not. We go to church and to heaven. Animals do not. She was in line with traditional Christian theology. I did not know it then, but those teachings hardened my heart.
When I was a pastor, parishioners would tell me about losing their beloved pets. I sensed that they were grieving, and I hope that I said appropriate things, but I admit that, inside, I did not get it. I understood when they grieved for a relative or a friend. I did not understand the grief they felt for a pet they had recently put down.
In my two years of retirement I have been practicing meditation. I supplement my life-long practice of prayer centered on Jesus with Yoga classes. I read books on Jewish spirituality recommended by my daughter-in-law, a Rabbi. I read books on Buddhist meditation recommended by Henry’s owner, Cathy.
I see a common thread running through these writings. I have learned what several wise observers mean when they say, “The theologians all argue. The mystics all agree.”
These books and practices lead me to a warm place in my heart. I believe that place is in every heart and at the heart of the universe. In that place is profound stillness and immense power. It is the Truth. It is Love. The New Testament calls it “God.”
People of all faiths and no faith encounter this Truth and Love. They may meet Love in deep meditation. They may meet Love when they hold a newborn baby. They may meet Love when they connect with a friend. They may meet Love when a slender ray of hope penetrates despair. When they speak of it, I recognize the same Love Christians meet in Jesus.
We also call this Love, “Truth,” because Love shows us that all our reasons for not loving are based on lies. I can see how the “terrorists” and “bigots” twist their religious beliefs to justify not loving. A hard heart can turn any scripture into a lie that explains why it is OK to kill some people, or animals, and not others. It is harder for me to see how I do the same thing with my hard heart.
Hard hearts even argue with the Bible. Yes, the Creation Story says humans and animals are all made from the same dust on the same day. But, said my hard heart, look at how much longer the author lingers over the creation of people.
I know the breath that God breathes into humans making them “souls” is callednephesh in Hebrew. I know that the same nephesh gives all beings life. But, said my hard heart, “nephesh” means “soul” in some places and “breath” in others.
Arguments did not work. It was Orlando and Henry who wore me down. Henry did it as he danced around Jim’s legs. Orlando did it when I caught sight of him silently hunting in our hostas. I did not know that I learned to love them until after they died. Orlando and Henry changed me in the way Carl Jung said happens to us in the second half of life.
Before I retired, I did a series of sermons on the Beatitudes. “Beatitude” means “happiness”. So, the second Beatitude always stumped me, “blessed are those who mourn, for they shallbe comforted.” How can grief be happiness? We only grieve those we love. Now I understand. I mourn Orlando’s and Henry’s deaths. I am comforted by feeling that sadness, because it means that I am in touch with Truth and Love.
Thank you – THIS is exactly what I needed to read today 😊
Good to hear from you, Doug.
“blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
I remember that sermon. From it I took away that those who mourn have loved. If you have not loved, you do not mourn. We are comforted by our memories.
You must have listened on line. It’s nice to know you were out there. It’s amazing to hear you repeat the main point 2 years later. Thank you. Thank you.
Roger, I thank you for helping me understand why you never had pets, and why it was hard for me to explain to you the love I have felt for mine. We’ve had a dog all of my life. Although Fenway has more than his share of issues, he still makes me happy every time I see him. And having a cat to meditate with in the morning warms my soul as much as my cocoa. Our dog Munro literally saved me as I went through the losses of my sons and spent many nights alone in Chicago when Corbin was traveling.
Thank you for knowing Truth and Love where it is found.
So glad you read this! In the first draft, I had a paragraph about how you taught me to do Blessing of the Animals services. I continued them after you left. I moved from thinking I was participating in some kind of heresy to really enjoying them. You were a big part of the grace that has worn me down with love.
thank you. Glad I could be that, given how much you have been to me.
You dived even deeper here! You remind me again of Anne Lamott’s calling her dog Sadie Jesus in a black dog suit.
I like it very much. I grew up on a farm also. I remember that pet lamb – one its mother wouldn’t own for some reason – that I fed until it could survive on its own. There seemed to be one every year. It was cuddly for a while but then it grew up and I could hardly distinguish it from the other lambs. At the end of the season the lambs were sold and I got what was the proceeds from that lamb. There was a nice fuzzy relation for a while – maybe the beginnings of love – but it didn’t last long.
Yes, we certainly do need to learn from other religions and, yes, a most important decision for each of us is what experience or experiences we decide to call “God.”
Duane, you are clearly the person who most “gets” where I am coming from. Thanks.
Very well said Roger
Love and Blessings
Jim Callihan
Thanks Jim!