How To Time Travel Safely 2: Into the Future

When I was a pastor, I watched parishioners who, as they got older, seemed to be paralyzed.

• They hung on to jobs that were too much for them.
• They hung on to their big houses, when they couldn’t take care of them.
• They hung on to their cars when driving was no longer safe for them — or anyone else.

These were often people who had made good decisions all their lives.

I used to think that they refused to look at the future.

Now, as I face aging myself, I see that the real problem is getting stuck in the future. They had looked ahead and saw nothing but decline and death. They believed that there was nothing they could do to make it better. So, they did not come back to the present to take action.

That is the problem with Mental Time Travel. We feel the impact of past or future events with the same intensity as if we were there.

James Baldwin wrote:

“Not everything that is faced can be changed,
but nothing can be changed unless it is faced.”

We can’t change the fact that we will decline and die.

We do not have control over when we will die.

We do not control how we will die.

However, when we time travel to our last day, we can ask, “What can I change now that will make a difference on that day?”

I have seen people make significant changes in the last years, months, even days of their lives that made a difference in the end.

Here are some examples:

My mother loved her house, her garden, her community. On the night my father died, she said to me, “I’m going to move into a retirement community.” She faced the fact that she was declining. She would not be able to live alone much longer.

With the help of her children, she cleaned out her house and sold it. She, had never lived more than 15 miles from her birthplace. Even so, she moved across three states to a retirement community near one of my sisters.

There, she moved from independent living to assisted living to the memory unit. Each time she moved, she divested herself of what little she had left. When she died, she left behind a chair, a dresser, and two shelves of books.

I remember her as someone who calmly and courageously faced the fact of aging. She was a model for all of us.

I knew a man, who hid his vulnerabilities under bluster and bragging. Yet, as he was laid low with cancer, he opened up his heart to his wife, his children, and others. It softened their memories of him. For me, he is an example of how it is never too late to change.

There was a woman who spent much of her life in bitterness. She had no friends and she often alienated the relatives who tried to love her. Having to live in a nursing facility did not help.

One day, this woman changed. She was warm, grateful for a visit, interested in her visitors, and she had dropped her usual complaints about the world. She remained that way for the rest of her life. It changed the way everyone remembers her.

My mother’s Alzheimer’s disease used to make me despair about my future. Then, I started working with a doctor who recommended, The End of Alzheimer’s, by Dr. Dale Bredeson. That led to The Alzheimer’s Solution, by Drs. Dean and Ayesha Sherzai.

I am convinced that, even if I can’t completely prevent cognitive decline, I can make changes in my life that will slow it down. I’ve gone from despair to a feeling that I can do something. Plus, I feel better and sharper than I have felt in years.

If we don’t face the fact that we will decline and die straight on, we will be stuck there in despair.

If we do face the fact of decline and death, we can make changes now.

It is never too late to change things, even if it is just our attitude.

I’d like to hear from you.

Who are good examples for you?

What decisions have you made because you have faced your future?